I was on the spiritual path as intensely as anyone. I was all in. And because I was laser focused on this non event called awakening, I was determined not to fall into any spiritual cul-de-sacs, or fall victim to any new-age spiritual crap (of which there is plenty).
I was happier after finding this spiritual path called non-duality. You meet the most amazingly beautiful people on retreats. Further, meditating everyday for 3 years was very calming for my busy mind. I loved going to retreats and my lifelong anxiety disappeared without noticing. I was also convinced that Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Adyashanti, Rupert Spira, Francis Lucille and Jac O'Keeffe were not making it up, so I was encouraged to continue (I was right to trust them).
But if your goal is the truth, if your goal is true liberation, at the end of the day, it is a path to no where and it is doomed to fail.
Even someone with the purest of intentions, at some point, without realizing it, will be trading one set of beliefs for another. Based on my own experience, I would say that it is almost inevitable. This blog is a warning to anyone who sincerely wants to awaken and is on the spiritual path as I once was.
So what is the problem with the spiritual path? Spiritual seekers wanting enlightenment will inevitably see themselves as a person progressing along a path. This is a problem.
The biggest challenge is that the imaginary "I" keeps inserting itself into every experience without our knowing. "I had the most amazing experience during meditation" as an example.
"It" always arrives late, after the thought, action or understanding and claims credit by pre-supposing that it was there prior to the thought, action or understanding and instantly establishes itself as the presumed thinker, decider and doer. As a result, all phenomenal experience appearing in Awareness automatically becomes my thought, my decision, my bodily sensation, my perception. Basically, anything that is knowable is known by a presumed knower commonly referred to as I, or me.
What is the imaginary self exactly? What is "it"? Good question. I don't have a definitive answer. It is a belief and a feeling that I am this body. I am starting to think of 'it' as a kind of program that keeps inserting itself as a personal "I" that claims ownership of every thought after the fact...and it happens so quickly that we don't see it happening.
Apparently, a new study has found that the average person has over 6,000 thoughts a day! This "I" program is running unknowingly in the background in a way that leaves us believing to be the owner and author of our thoughts and feelings. Free will is naturally built into the program as soon as we believe to be an independent thinker. (It is an irrational assumption since clearly we do not have control over our thoughts, otherwise, we would always choose happy thoughts).
This means that approximately 6,200 times a day, on average, the illusory self is re-enforced as being real, and at the center of all experience. 'It' believes it has some control over some things (thoughts, feelings, actions, decisions) and no control over most things happening in the world. It is the dream of separation. The independent outside world appears simultaneously with an "I" thought.
Spirituality is a vicious trap because spiritual practices are also (unknowingly) re-enforcing this non-existent self. Every time we meditate, as an example, we are unintentionally reinforcing the very thing that we are attempting to transcend. I am the doer of the mediation and it was my idea to mediate. Even worse, spiritual practices are a denial of what we already are! We are doomed to fail because we are starting from an impossible starting point...the assumption that a non-existent self is real with its own separate and independent Consciousness, trying to transcend a non-existent place. Good luck with that.
So what is to be done? The cheeky answer is nothing because we are already it. True, but not helpful.
First, we need to completely abandum the concept of a person awakening. It is impossible. Unfortunately, a person might need to spend a few years of seeking and trying to awaken, before realizing that it is doomed to fail. This seems to be the pattern. In other words the only real value of seeking is to realize the futility of it...but we might need to do it anyway.
As Jac O'Keeffe said once referring to a sincere spiritual seeker wanting to awaken after many frustrating years of practice, "It is an image trying to work something out"
I am not saying there is nothing to do. Rather, I am just saying (with as much emphasis as possible) that we first need to abandon any effort that involves the evolution or transformation of the person. Unfortunately, this is the essence of spirituality is it not? And if spirituality makes you happy and if you are not interested in the absolute truth...then keep doing it. In this context, spirituality is the same as religion.
So again, what is to be done? The most effective strategy is to see what we are, by way of seeing clearly what we are not. The Sanskrit expression for this is Neti Neti; not this, not that. As an example, it is very powerful to see that the body clearly appears in Awareness and not the other way around as everyone imagines and/or assumes.
Wisdom is just the removal of ignorance. For example, I can find no evidence to support the previously held belief that Consciousness is located and limited, therefore, I am ready to let this belief go. Seeing this one thing clearly is enough for our true identity to reveal itself...it might take some time, but at least we are moving in the right direction. If I am not located in this body, then what am I?
It is like believing the moon is the source of the light. Once we realize that the moon is just a reflection of the light, we naturally stop giving attention to the moon. Likewise, once we see that the source of the light of Awareness is not the body-mind, we naturally stop placing it at the center of the experiential universe. Knowing is a one-way street. Only Consciousness can know itself. Again, this understanding is experiential.
This message is an incredibly difficult thing to see when we are firmly established as a self.
There were probably many warnings like this along the way but I wasn't ready to hear them. That said, I personally don't think enough emphasis is placed on these kind of warnings at spiritual retreats (or spiritual books).
There is one Sage, however, who's only message is this kind of a warning. His name is Paul Hedderman. He is not your typical Sage since he says the word fuck a lot. Nevertheless, he is a Sage and if you get his message, he will save you a lot of time. He is the exact opposite of my first teacher Adyashanti (who came from a Zen Buddhist tradition of teaching).
Paul's website domain says it all; Zenbitchslap.com.
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